Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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