Just cropdusted the office
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
