ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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