He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
