He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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