what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
