nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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