a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
