i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
