Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
