He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize