we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
