Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
