she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
