kristin has been a bad kristin
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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