you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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