Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
