season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
