omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
