If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
