Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
