so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
