when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
