I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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