I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
