help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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