I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
