shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
