tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
