dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
