DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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