i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize