I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
