Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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