I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Two words: blizzard sex
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
