If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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