We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
