yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
