If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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