you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
