i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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