I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
