Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
