Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
