So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My ATM looks so different sober.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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