I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
