i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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