I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
