did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
