Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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