What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
