Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
