it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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