sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
