You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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