I'm going to jail i love you
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
