K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
