If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
