Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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