It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
