I hate all girls vehemently.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
