im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
