Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
