omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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