guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
