Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so that wasnt chicken after all
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize