Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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