well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
